Inter-Masonic Football Challenge Match

2001

On Friday 17th August 2001, a DKL18 select eleven played ninety minutes of entertaining football against their friends from Leven St John No 170.

A few diehard supporters of both teams appreciated their efforts on a difficult and heavy playing surface, despite a large invasion of voracious midges.

The first half resulted in a scoreline of DKL18......1 170........3 and half - time arrived for some with a welcome cigarette break. The Dumbarton goal resulted from a soft penalty given by a totally unbiased referee from Lodge Bonhill and Alexandria No 321.  Additionally it must be mentioned in the interests of accuracy that the first two 170 goals were suspiciously offside. By prudent use of their substitutes, the superior strength of the 170 team prevailed, despite heroics in the DKL goalmouth and the fortunate intervention of the goalposts. Despite the sheer physical presence of keeper Erik, the 170 forward was easily able to lob him from twenty yards for goal number four.

Goal number five for 170 was an absolute disaster for keeper  ma' ba' Erik, who, claiming the said ball from his left back, proceeded to miss said ball with an airshot that resulted in said ball trickling despairingly into the back of the net.

The flow and pattern of the home side was somewhat disrupted when striker and goal hero Craig collapsed with a leg knock. Trainer Bob needed all his Boys Brigade skills to get junior back on the pitch.

With five minutes to go to the final whistle and DKL having run out of steam, the 170 RWM pulled rank and made a show - boating appearance to the delight of only himself.

Final score DKL18....... 2  170......... 5

However, the evening was not yet over, and showering and dressing were considerably delayed by the 321 referee disappearing with the changing room key! It should be reported that one of the shower cubicles remained unused due to the visitation of the largest spider ever seen in the town.

Eventually the teams and their supporters retired to DKL for welcome fluid replenishment.

 

Right to Reply

Dear David,

In the interest of historical accuracy and of putting to right what can only be described as a journalistic disaster, I would bring the following points to your attention.

  1. The half -time result was D.K.L.18 0 Leven St. John 2 
  2. It was the second goal that was lobbed over my head from twenty yards out. This goal was the subject of some discussion as the whole D.K.L.18 team stopped in their tracks claiming the ball had gone out of play. The Leven St. John team on the other hand played to the whistle and charged through the middle of the park unchallenged leaving the D.K.L.18 goalkeeper totally exposed.
  3. The term " Ma Ba' " was never used during the game by "Big Erik" and no goals resulted from any goalkeeping errors attributed to this or any other similar terms being shouted. The term that was used was "Keepers ball”, it was used only once and resulted in the centre half Derek J. completely ignoring the shout and heading the ball beyond the keeper. The melee that followed led to a corner kick for Leven St. John after a good clearance by Gordon M.
  4. The fourth goal was offside a fact acknowledged the next day by the referee after I had bought him several Vodkas.
  5. The fifth and final goal was an outrageous fluke, Craig J. of Leven St. John whilst attempting to cross the ball to the four unmarked attackers in front of "Big Erik" fell on his backside and sliced the ball into the net.

Finally and I have three dozen witnesses to this, the journalist in question was seen knocking back vast quantities of alcohol before going home to write his match report, his memory somewhat fuzzy by then.

Yours, Erik

 

2002

On Saturday 20th April the second inter- Masonic football challenge matches were played on a dull and drizzly afternoon on Dumbarton Common. A winner’s shield was provided by a Helensburgh firm as an incentive and another well known local firm of painters donated the match ball. A local industrial cleaning company sponsored the man of the match. The final scores were as follows;

 

Leven St John No170 Renton   3,      DKL18  1

 

Bonhill & Alexandria No 321  0,       Leven St John , Renton  1

 

Bonhill & Alexandria No 321  6,       DKL18   Nil

 

Winners - Leven St John No 170, Renton

 

Top scorer - Colin   (321),  Man of the Match - Steven  (321)

 

Our friends from Helensburgh Lodge No 503 failed to appear on the day, after they discovered that the Vale team had been spotted in serious training sessions in the Meadow Sports Centre. Several of the DKL 18 men, disgusted at getting gubbed again, were calling for a stewards’ enquiry into the eligibility of some of the players in the opposing teams  ( sour grapes no doubt).

 

A special word of appreciation must go to the few diehard supporters including John W, John H and Iain H who braved the dull and miserable weather, which easily matched the standard of the play. As one the ladies remarked “the 18 members wives could have scored better ! “

 

18 ’s Man of the Match award must go to keeper ma ba’ Erik for maintaining his goals let in tally in single figures !

 

After the games, the participants retired to the Lodge lounge and entered into serious negotiations with  representatives from Sky TV  regarding rights and fee payments for the next inter- Masonic football derby. Thanks are due to George and the ladies for the full-time pies.

 

A collection was uplifted and together with the proceeds of the quiz prepared by

Donnie S (to which thanks are due)  amounted to £63. This was subsequently augmented by the members of Helensburgh Lodge No 503 to £83. The proceeds of the raffle at the

DKL18 /Chapter 53 games night held on Friday 26 April was added to this sum, giving a grand total of £111 which was donated to the Provincial Grand Lodge of Dumbartonshire’s new Children’s Hospice appeal fund.

 

 Mention must be made of the two Donnies, who very capably refereed these difficult games. On the one occasion when dissent was expressed by a player to a refereeing decision, it was stated that the two Donnies were more like the two Ronnies without the spectacles!

 

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